Looking back

I’m thinking that this blog is going to come to an end soon – for one reason or another…though I admit I haven’t decided what reason that will be quite yet. ;)

We had prayer day today – and an interesting discussion started in light of the GN on Faith…made me realize I miss the debates/discussions we would have at our Saturday night dinner table back in Europe.

I’m sure everyone who’s reading the new GN is finding their personal snippets and quality quotes to boost their faith, or to hold on to during their times of testing – I think I’ll just highlight the whole GN and find some way to store it in the memory banks of my brain so that I can use it at all times. (You know, kind of like that series “Chuck” – I’m sure there’s a way. Ha!)

The way this GN has really spoken to me though is in being able to look back at situations, in particular this situation, and knowing that even though it was one of those “I have no idea why You did that to me, Jesus, but I’ll trust You anyways” situations, it gave me more faith that in those times when things don’t go right, or as I think they should, I will hopefully be better able to hold on.

I never did follow up on the ending of that story, but I didn’t actually get the $600 returned after all seeing as the credit card company didn’t feel it qualified for some reason, so in the end I was left with having to go back to the concept of how $600 was nothing to pay in comparison with the lessons the Lord was teaching me through having to trust no matter what.

I have to admit though that as time goes on I realize more and more how that’s not a small lesson really as there are just so many things that can seem to go wrong in our lives, in the lives of those we know or love, friends, contacts, supporters, etc. – And if we can walk through those waters of testing, not understanding but trusting that the Lord’s going to keep us through it (yes, through it), well, I think that’s a valuable quality to have for the days ahead.

I went to the market yesterday and I think it was actually the best market day I’ve ever had. – Sure, the produce was good (TYJ for that!), but the best was that I was able to have some good, in-depth conversations with some of our contacts, and that was super inspiring for me. (Yes, I love witnessing!) One particular contact is this young man (well, he’s a couple weeks older than I am – so he’s 30, and that’s still young. Right?). He’s a widower due to his wife being shot (dead) several years ago during a mugging. She left him with 2 little girls; the youngest was a baby at the time, and in general it was very rough on him. He seems to be doing ok now and a few weeks ago he introduced me to his “wife”, though just yesterday we talked for a bit as he explained that she isn’t his wife, but a girlfriend, and that he doesn’t see himself getting married any time soon.

I tried putting myself in his shoes for those minutes we talked, just listening to the trials he was going through; the challenges of being a single dad who, though he has help and could probably take a pick from any woman really as he’s a pretty good looking man, owner of a thriving business, etc. is roughing it so much, and most of all having the fear that loving again wouldn’t work. He said he didn’t feel ready to love again, he didn’t think the women he had been seeing could be the real “mother” his daughters needed or liked, and there were so many fears, so many questions. I could tell he was on the verge of crying as his eyes were wet with tears (as were mine for that matter) and in the end though those words weren’t used, you could tell he was still asking “why”. Why the Lord allowed his wife to be taken, why the Lord put him through it, and why him…what had he done?

I didn’t try to answer him or tell him what I thought the Lord was teaching him, obviously I don’t know, but I did feel confident telling him that I knew that the Lord had him ever so close to His side if He was allowing him to go through all these things. I used the concept of how if the Lord sees us fit to go through those tests it means He knows that we’re worth the investment and that at some point it will all be clear, we’ll be able to look back and see that the trials, the tests, the pain, the tears, the moments of not understanding and really feeling dumb, they all come into perspective when weighed in the balances that the Lord uses. I’m not fluent in Spanish at all, so that was quite the challenge in itself, and my “Itanol” (a.k.a. a bit of ITAlian, and a bit of espaNOL) isn’t as good as it could be, but I know he understood (proved by his questions and comments/replies to mine) and in the end when I gave him a hug goodbye and he said “thank you for spending time listening and talking” I know he meant it as though he still seemed on the verge of tears, having someone to share your trials with and know they’ll pray for you is an encouragement. - At least, I know it is for me, and I’ll definitely be praying for him.

And yes, having the new GN in mind was a big help in having the proper perspective and a refresher, as I know that’s one thing the Lord showed me when I went through the above mentioned situation; He pointed out how He was allowing me to be faced with a situation I didn’t understand so that I would have the ability to understand how it feels.

Reminds me of the lyrics in “Here by me” – when sung to the Lord, they’re a good motto to live by:

Guess I only see the truth through all this fear…

And everything I have in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have You,
Right here by me.